A TRIBUTE TO FRIENDSHIP

FRIENDS ARE TRULY GOD'S GIFT and I have a few tremendous ones. Where would I be without them?

Not where I am today doing the wonderful things I do. Of course, some may not think that there's anything great about how my life is lived but I often wonder might I not be worse off if it were not for my friends and the things they have done for me. Okay, maybe not worse off, but I probably will not be the same. All I am certain of is that I would be a much impoverished person, spiritually, if it weren't for friends.

A friend it was who encouraged me to act on my social conscience. That took me along a path I know I will not regret for while trying to make sense of the world I found myself, doubtless a small, insignificant speck in the mass that is humanity but not as meaningless as it could have been if it had not been for a friend.

If not for a friend I probably would not have notched up any depth to my CV let alone my being. My life is so rich in texture because a friend took me under her wings and gave me the opportunities that were hers to give and never once flinching from a fear that I might not deliver. If she did she never showed it. She never gave up on me and who then could be so blind as not to feel a deep sense of obligation. For, friends do not need to feel for one another as siblings are expected to.

Yet mine do, I think. How else can I explain the warmth of friendship at this most bitterly cold winter of my existence. Friends it is I have turned to for advice, comfort and help. They are the ones who provide sustenance, both spiritual and material, in this my hour of need.

So, to those of you who have yet to make friends, do not leave it to late. Of course, you lucky ones out there with family enough to not need friends, you are blessed. I cannot say I envy you though because I feel even better blessed for I have found 'family' among those who, if it were not for friendship, would have been mere strangers.

POLYGAMY AWARD

LAST WEEK there was a bit of a brouhaha over a suggestion that men should be awarded for being polygamous. How about that?! The gall of him who had the cheek to suggest it.

Strange the way Malaysian men of the Malay-Muslim species try to make their lustful nature admirable. According to this suggestion a man who is willing to take a single mother as a second, third or fourth wife should be given an award, presumably meaning that there is a measure of sacrifice on the man's part. All well and good but....

Firstly, in this day and age it should be the function of the state to provide for the welfare of single mothers and their children. These women and their children cannot be left to the whims and fancies of men. Yes, the Holy Qur'an makes mention of widows and orphans in the context of polygamy but it is uncompromising in its demand for fair and equitable treatment. If a man cannot be fair then polygamy is forbidden to him. Fairness here is not mere material. Here the Muslim man is expected to be fair in all respects: material, emotional, sexual, spiritual and whatever else that might surface in a marriage.

The question here is whether it is humanly possible for a man, or anyone for that matter, to be absolutely fair? For this is what the Book commands. Otherwise, marry only one. God here is so explicit and yet men can persist in misinterpreting His commandments. Why is this?

Malaysian Muslim males are quite unembarrassed about their rampant lust. Of course, there are the exceptional ones who are content with monogamy, but even the Islamic establishment, which is undeniably male-dominated, cites the unbridled male lust as reason for polygamy. Shame on them for assuming that all men are like them and, too, that God should want to pander to such animal behaviour. In fact, this is an insult to the animals. Take the beautiful swans, for example, they are monogamous. If the argument for lust is made then why on earth did the revelation not encourage the poor man to marry and instead enjoin them to chastity until such time as they can afford to keep a wife and family.

Paramount to the spirit of the Qur'an, therefore, is welfare; in this instance the welfare of widows and orphans in the aftermath of war. And, much as God would want them to be taken care of, He is willing only if the arrangement is in no way detrimental to the well-being of these the already unfortunate. If to be widowed and orphaned is already a god forsaken fate would it not be a double whammy to allow for their further suffering under the care of a man whose concerns are first and foremost driven by lust? Please, all, never for a moment forget that Allah is unequivocally merciful, magnanimous and infinitely kind. Just look at the Qur'an, all but one surah starts with "In the name of God, the Compassionate, the Merciful."

Secondly, how many men will marry widows and divorcees who are not pretty and attractive? If there are polygamous men who do honestly take a widow or a divorcee for reasons of welfare alone, this person ought indeed to be rewarded. Honestly, can we name any man we know who will take a tired-looking hag with eight little children as another wife? Ample empirical evidence exist to suggest that polygamy equals lust equals good-looking women, especially when they have been married before and poor.

That in the same week just across the Straits of Melaka the Indonesian president is trying to fly his idea of banning polygamy altogether, is indeed ironic and utterly shameful for Malaysians. For, the man who suggested the "polygamy award" for Terengganu is also a public figure, much lesser no doubt, but one nonetheless.

Note: Got to http://islaminmodernity.blogspot.com for the related news reports.